So.
It's Friday, and for that reason alone I should be in better spirits. But I'm feeling bummed.
I got maybe 3 hours' sleep last night, partly because I had coffee after 7pm, and partly because I was freaking out and feeling down on myself last night for not having more of a productive day.
Something new I get to do now is telecommute on Thursdays (thank you, job!). I am still working my 8 hours, obviously, but the time it normally takes to get ready for work and be on the road is gone, which means I have more time in my day. Working at home also allows me to do something quick like run downstairs and put in a load of laundry. So on Wednesday night I had grand plans of having a very productive Thursday. And I just didn't. I procrastinated. There was too much thinking and not enough doing. And as it got later, and even as I was "off the clock" and back into my regular evening, I wasn't doing anything. Except maybe watching too much TV. I frittered my glorious day away. Frittered!
And now it's nearly the weekend. And I do this foolish thing every weekend, EVERY weekend for like the last 10 years at least, where I think, "Oh my! A weekend! Such a long span of days in which to complete all my projects!" But 99% of the time I spend my weekends sleeping, watching TV, getting sucked into the Internet, wandering around stores, or even just staring at the wall. Or ceiling. I have many daydreaming moments. Except in these moments I'm thinking of all the stuff I could/should be doing, not like, you know, having fun daydreams.
It just makes me mad. I don't know how I can fool myself at the start of every weekend, or day off or vacation or whatever. I don't know why I think I'm going to suddenly change my personality overnight and be Productivity Girl. But I always have that hope! Every Friday I drive home thinking, "The endless-possibilities weekend!" And then suddenly it's Sunday night and I'm scrambling to get all my chores done.
And I don't even have kids. I am the only one using up my time. I don't know how you people with kids accomplish anything. It is amazing and wondrous to me.
What does this have to do with writing? I guess that's another thing I want to be doing more but am not alway doing. And, I really want to be reading more. That's part of writing, methinks.
Today I read Elana's post she wrote yesterday on confidence, on the QT blog. I feel like for the past several weeks, my confidence in myself as an author has been good. But I guess I could use a confidence boost in myself as everything else. Maybe, like WIP Wednesdays, I'll keep a personal journal of each week's progress, and then I'll see it happening, and then I'll believe in myself, instead of believing in my downer thoughts.
And then as each new weekend rolls around, I'll have the confidence and stamina to get a few things done and feel good about myself come Sunday night.
Hmm... the weekend is now looking a little brighter, but in a realistic way.
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5 comments:
I fall into this same trap. For me, the trick is to get started. Once I start, I realize how much fun it actually is to be productive. Way more fun than procrastinating. I usually trick myself into it. I tell myself just to spend twenty minutes being productive as soon as I get up, and then I'm free to do whatever I want afterwards. Usually by the time twenty minutes are up, I just want to keep on working.
I do this all the time, and like you, I HATE the feeling that I've frittered away a day which I had planned to be so brimming with achievement.
Dude, I'll look up, bleary-eyed, and be like, "It's 5:30 already??" So I totally get this. For me, I have to set a goal for myself. This is usually a time limit. Like, I'll get off blogger by 4:59 PM. Yeah, sometimes that works. :)
I certainly hope you stay confident! Yes, having kids makes everything harder... but in a way, it makes you more on to of things. I wake up super early every morning before my daughter wakes up so that I can get some solid writing time in. Now... I never would have done that before she was born. :)
Davin- that's a great idea about jumping out of bed into productivity. I'm going to try it tomorrow morning!
Tara- yes, frittering blows. Unless it's scheduled frittering. At least I'm not alone!
Elana- Ha, I'm also good at breaking my rules and time limits. I love how you're looking up "bleary-eyed." It's crazy the eyestrain we'll put ourselves through for online content!
Lady Glamis- It's nice to hear that kids can be motivating like that. Why is it that, sometimes, the more responsibilities we have, the more efficiently we run? I know I get more projects done when I have a job vs. when I'm not working. Well, sometimes. :)
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